Jason didn’t mean to repeat himself, but he was a bit caught up with trying not to sound too concerning to notice. He knew that going to his room would be too isolating, and didn’t trust himself to not have momentary insanity and do something he regretted. He had camped out in the living room watching cable when Craig called. The TV was muted now, but it still flashed light onto his face.
“I just don’t want to be someone that hates everything about his life,” Craig continued after a moment. “And that’s the direction I see myself going in.”
“Listen, I know you're worried about college, and getting accepted and all that, but even if you don't get into your ideal school- and don't tell me that you won't get into anything, because I know that's a lie- anything is better than high school.”
Herkleton was too small of a town to have any fun in. There were no fancy clubs or bars to sneak into, and there were no places to explore that he hadn’t been before. He savored every moment outside of it, whether in the city with his dad or in the woods with friends or by himself. There was no shield of anonymity here, either, and when your neighbors and classmates think your business is their business, it’s a special kind of hell. At least Craig didn’t whisper about him in the hallways, and Jonah, Gray Deer’s manager, didn’t talk shit unless he showed up late to his shift.
“Is it?”
Okay, this was getting ridiculous. “Don’t you want independence?" Jason raised his voice on accident. He lowered it back down. "You’re the middle child, right? You've got to be sick of that by now. And you're always so stressed about your grades, it makes me nauseous sometimes just hearing you talk about it. You really think college is going to be any worse for you?”
Craigs voice was small. “No, I guess.”
“Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna get to college and go through your first semester and you’re gonna party hard, get a girlfriend, and almost flunk at least one class, and you’re gonna love it.”
College was a dream Jason dreamt every waking moment. A fully-paid trip to get out of Herkleton and live an actual life. It was the first breath of a no-dependence-on-anyone lifestyle and he was practically drowning waiting for it to come.
“That’s not what’s going to happen,” Craig said lightly.
“Okay, what do you think is going to happen?”
“Well…”
There was another long stretch of silence before he replied. “I’m going to study hard.”
Jason wasn’t sure what he expected. Craig’s entire life seemed to revolved around school, when work was due, anything that required a deadline and boredom. The times when they hung out were usually for group projects or cram sessions. Jason couldn’t care less about school; he got decent grades and was set to pass in a few years. He just needed to wait out the clock. “Okay, nerd. You still need a social life.”
“I wasn’t finished. I’ll study hard, and then come back here on breaks and hang with you and Kelsey and J.P.”
Jason tried not to let his head get too big for being the first on that list.
“Then I’ll go to one college party, and I’ll hate it because I hate house parties with a bunch of high and drunk kids, and then I’ll chill with my roommates while we stay sober.”
This made Jason laugh. Even now, Craig was more strait-laced as any of the kids in his school. He’d tried alcohol once at a party, and gave his barely-drank beer to Jason to finish off. He wasn’t a snitch, though. He had turned a blind eye more than once to Jason helping himself to his parent’s liquor cabinet when they were off on one of their week-long vacations.
“I don’t know. If I go to UVA, I’ll be with Bernard. I’ll have fun annoying him. And… that’s about it.”
Jason smirked. “You sound like you have it more planned out than me.”
“Okay, so what are you going to do?”
He had to think about it. “Well, I’m going to join a frat. And go to all of their parties. You don’t know this about me, but I’m kind of a party animal.”
“That’s such a lie.”
It was, but it was making Craig laugh, so he continued. “You don’t believe me? You haven’t even seen me in action. I’ve downed a keg by myself in a night. I’ve swung on chandeliers. Multiple!"
“And if you fall?”
“I have my First-Aid badge for a reason. I’ll patch myself up.” He did keep a first-aid kit in his backpack at all times, a residual habit from Forest Scouts. He did make good use of it, but Craig didn’t need to know that.
“Wait a minute, am I in the presence of an all knowing Forest Scout?” The sarcasm dripped from his voice, but something else was there too. Playfulness. “Sorry, let me bow.”
“Nope. They booted me out when I broke the chandelier.” Jason laughed again. “You know, I was thinking of being a Scoutmaster when I’m old enough.”
“Really?”
Being a Scout was never his idea. Even though he’d enjoyed it, it was just another thing thrust upon him. No one was telling him to be a Scoutmaster, especially since he had quit. “Yeah. It’s giving back to the community. I want a kid to experience it like I did.”
Jason didn’t realize it at first, but there was giggling coming from the other side of the phone. “What’s so funny?”
“I don’t know.” Jason could hear the sleep in Craig's voice, in the way he slurred his words slightly. “You don’t seem like the type to be sentimental.”
He shrugged, which was an awkward thing to do when he was laying down. “It’s not me being sentimental. It’s just me wanting to do good. Charity, I guess.”
“That’s nice.” Craig yawned. “Helping out kids. Giving back to the community.”
“Yeah. Kind of feels like I owe it to them. I mean, they helped me enough. Watched over my sorry ass for years when no one else would.”
It came off more bitter than he intended, but Craig didn’t notice. “I’m about to pass out,” he said with another yawn.
“Go to bed.”
“Okay, before I hang up and forget,” Craig gained some energy in his voice. “J.P. is coming back into town this weekend, and me and a few other people are gonna go bowling on Saturday. Do you want to come?”
“Yeah.” Jason was also getting tired, but he could still feel excitement. “Yeah, that would be great. Are they okay with me coming?”
“It’ll be fine,” he reassured. “It’s a casual thing.”
“Okay, well, I’ll call up Jonah tomorrow and tell him to move my shift. Yeah, that would be great,” he repeated.
“Cool. See you tomorrow at school.”
“See you. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
The phone beeped, and Jason was left in silence.
He flipped back over to face the TV. Some old sitcom had come on while he was talking with Craig.
The dread that forced him onto the couch crawled back up his spine. He was tired enough that it didn’t pose a threat, but it was still there, gnawing at his forearms and wrists.
At least he had something to look forward to at the end of the week. He had something to break up the monotony of waiting for the clock to run out. He had an excuse to stay around just a little longer instead of jumpstarting his independence by getting out now. He was here, he was present, he wasn't only waiting for a distant due date for his life to improve. He had a reason to exist, at least for a while.
The TV flashed dulled colors and an even duller plot. Jason unmuted it and turned away, curling up to face the couch cushions.He let the canned laugher and gold-tinged light lull him into sleep.